


The Picture From The Past

by Anti_Social_Headphones_Kid



Series: Tony & Peter centric fics [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dead Peter Parker, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Stark Expo, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 16:30:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anti_Social_Headphones_Kid/pseuds/Anti_Social_Headphones_Kid
Summary: After another nightmare from Titan, Tony looks back at some thank-you pictures kids sent to him in the past... but how many of them are still alive?





	The Picture From The Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> I don't normally do serious fics, so I hope this turned out ok, but I just wrote this randomly, so I hope you enjoy!

After the blip, it was always the same nightmare.

It was always on Titan, and always started with the loss of the Guardians, the people he hardly knew, but he was aware that they were good people, and it would be a loss for the galaxy.

Next was Strange. The Doctor had given up everything for Tony- he gave up the very thing he swore to protect, the very thing that could've saved them- promising with his last breath that ' _ there was no other way _ ', but was that really true? Was there really 'no other way'?

Tony's mind had hung on those words for months, even after he found out the stones had been destroyed until he finally realized that maybe... maybe having half of the universe survive  _ was _ considered a win, that perhaps there were much worse futures where everyone died... 

But there was no way to know for certain, and all he knew was that it had felt much more like a loss than a win.

Everyone had lost someone, if not everyone.

Even he had lost someone. He had people comment about how he was lucky, that he still had his wife, his friends, and a daughter. 

But they didn't know how much he had lost, they didn't know he had lost his kid too- he didn't even realize that he saw Peter as his son until he was holding Morgan and felt that familiar feeling in his chest, the one he never thought he'd feel again.

That was the part of his nightmare where he woke up. He always woke up.

Seeing his kid stumbling towards him, dust beginning to trail off of his body, trying so  _ damn hard _ to stay alive, coming to Tony for comfort, to  _ be saved _ , because Tony would always save him, right? 

Only not that time

That time Tony had gripped him, wanting him to stay together, to not disappear, but eventually, he was left with nothing but dust covering his hands- the only thing left of what used to be Peter Parker.

_ "I'm sorry." _

He bolted awake. Those two words,  _ just those two words, _ and he was trying not to choke on his tears again.

And it wasn't just Peter who had died- he  _ knew _ it wasn't just Peter- there were billions of children who had died over the blip throughout the universe. 

Peter's friends, for example, had died as well, all of them too young, all of their futures gone too soon...

Tony had kept all the drawings that kids over the years had sent to him- he always had.

Most of the time he didn’t feel worthy to have them, but it was always something that he was touched by (even if he would never admit it) and he often went through them.

After the blip though...

After the blip, it hurt to go through them. He would flip through, knowing that at least half of them were gone now- failed by the hero they had admired.

He had failed them.

But he couldn’t sleep after that nightmare, and as he sat awake staring at the ceiling, he couldn’t think of anything else but the kids he failed, all of them appearing in the face of  _ his _ kid he failed.

Trying to wipe the memories of the dust from his mind, he got up from the bed and silently made his way down the hall to where Morgan was sleeping. Opening the door ever so slightly, he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw the small body covered by blankets moving up and down slightly- still breathing, still alive.

He opened the door fully and slipped in, sitting at her bedside, watching the peaceful figure. He loved her more than words could describe, and seeing her  _ here _ , seeing her ok was more than he could ever ask for. 

He reached out to gently touch her head, feeling her hair through his fingers, feeling her life. Tony tried to ignore the stinging feeling in his eyes as he tried to ignore the rushing memories of Titan, the feeling of dust in his fingers where life should’ve been, where his kid should’ve been.

He rubbed his eyes before the tears appeared, and got up from the floor. Half of him wanted to spend the whole night beside his daughter, watching her, being reminded that she was alive, but the other part of him wanted to leave, knowing he didn’t deserve this life that he was granted to keep- not when there were so many kids that deserved to live. He would’ve gladly given his life for any of them… and Peter? He would’ve given his life over and over until he was back. 

But that’s not the way it went, and now he had to live for Peter, to keep the memory of him alive. 

Only it hurt too much to think of him most of the time, and he hated himself every time he tried to forget about Peter. He hated it every time he moved the photo on his shelf to a farther spot- one more hidden so he wouldn’t see the face of the kid he failed, and he hated that he had absent-mindedly set up an extra desk in his new lab, one that always remained empty.

He quietly left Morgan’s room, the dark sky starting to turn lighter in the window as the sun rose. Tony knew he should return to bed, and he could hear the voices of Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper (Peter’s voice was there as well, it was always there, but always ignored) in his head, telling him to sleep more, reminding him to take care of himself, but at this moment the last thing he wanted to do was take care of himself. He wanted to be unhealthy and spend the rest of the darkness that the sky provided living in the painful memories of the past, remembering all those who no longer had a future because of him.

He made his way down to the lab, looking away from where the empty desk was as he passed it, and headed towards one of his back rooms. He walked through the cluttered mess of broken tech and spare parts until he reached the back of the closet, and to the shelf hidden away in the corner.

He had to find a box to use so he could stand on it, and reach the top of the shelf where another box was- the box of old drawings and thank-you’s- the one covered in dust, holding all the promises he had broken.

Tony grabbed it and made his way back into the small lab. But rather than sit at his own desk, he was pulled to where the empty one was, the one that would never be filled, and sat down in the chair that had never been sat on by the person it was meant for. He set the box down on the table and lifted the first drawing out.

His breath hitched as he saw it was a thank-you written to him from Harley- another child of his he had lost in the snap… another one of his kid’s lost that he would never see again.

He quickly pushed this one aside and looked at the next one, then the next. They were all similar but valuably different.

Some were of just Iron Man, others had the Avengers in it too, and some drew themselves alongside him.

He was tearing himself apart whenever he held up another photo and asked himself if they were still alive, and he started to try and find out. 

He would try and figure out if he had met the kid, if they had been affected by any previous battle, their name, and tried to find where they had gone, and if they were still alive. Most of the drawings were signed, but hardly any of them had their last names included.

After hours of doing this, he had only gone through twenty-seven drawings, and only found the results of eleven of those kids- seven of them were dead- five through the blip, two from suicide after all their families were gone- leaving only four left alive.

The sun was nearly up now, but he didn’t even realize how long he’d been doing this. Pepper would be up soon, but he couldn’t stop, not until he knew how many of these kids he had disappointed.

When he saw the next picture, he froze.

It had been one of his favourites, one of the times he could pin-point exactly, one of the kids he would never forget. It had been when Hammer had attacked the Stark expo and the little kid in the Iron Man mask stood bravely (and stupidly) to face a drone by himself while everyone ran away to hide. The drawing depicted the moment as the kid stood firmly to face the metal suit, and behind him was Tony in his Iron Man suit.

Tony had sometimes found himself thinking about this kid over the years, and whenever he saw the drawing, he was reminded of the bravery of that boy. He always wondered if he had gone on to maybe pursue a career in protecting people, perhaps as a police officer, or a fireman. It was one of the few times he had seen first-hand how he was helping to inspire the next generation of heroes, whether or not they had powers. It was one of the few times he was proud to be Iron Man.

But now, Tony was immediately sickened at the thought that he could’ve killed this kid as well, the one that could've helped so many people, the one who had so much promise- but no, there was still a chance he was alive, there was a chance, and that was all he needed.

There was no name written on the drawing- one of the few without one- but it was fine, he knew the night they had met, and he knew that his name would be filed on the police reports.

“Friday, bring up the recording from the Stark Expo, the last night.”

The AI showed the screen, the imagery flashing across his face. He skipped to the part where he saw the kid and paused it.

“Fri, do you think you could find out what happened to that kid? I need- I need to know if he was affected in the snap as well.”

_ “Sure thing boss, it might take a while though.” _ The AI said almost softly, as Tony placed his head in his hands and waited for the results. He had almost nodded off the sleep when he heard Friday speak up again.

_ “Boss, I’ve found the results.” _

Tony sat up straight. “And?”

_ “The young boy was one of the people affected by the snap- he is no longer alive. I’m sorry,”  _ the AI said in sympathy.

He tried not to let grief overtake him. It was another kid he lost, another person he let down…

“What was his name?” He wanted to know. He at least wanted to remember him, even if that was all he could offer right now, but the AI didn’t respond. He knew she had the name (since she had seen the police report) so there was no reason for her to be hesitating right now.

“Fri, name?”

_ “Are you sure you want me to share this information boss?” _

That was a weird response, but he was so damn tired, and he just needed something to remember the boy by,  _ something _ he could keep in his grasp-

“Yes, give it to me.”

_ “The boy’s name was Peter Benjamin Parker.” _

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! <3


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